Since the Apes are out at some social function for the evening, I thought I would take the opportunity to post a follow up on the food situation. (see previous post)

Officially, I’m on a hunger strike. I simply refuse to eat another morsel of that Fancy Feces! Even if the Apes had the foresight to buy a variety pack, that might have made the situation better. But Noooo! Tuna & Liver, Tuna & Liver, Tuna & Liver. Sickening! Hell, I would’ve eaten a can of butt cheeks and toenails, at this point! I simply have to put a stop to this. If I keep eating this crap, the Apes will keep buying it!

At breakfast this morning, I took action! Okay, not so much action, more like inaction. I’m intelligent, not ambitious. Instead of running to the kitchen the moment the food can opened, I pretended to be asleep on the couch. I remained still for the “fork banging on the dish” and the inevitable shrieking of that stupid-ass name the Big Hairless Ape has given me. (We’ll get into that another time)

As hungry as I was, I didn’t go near the food. This got easier as the day went on. Do you have any idea what 7-hour-old Tuna & Liver smells like? The Apes were not happy to come home to a stinky house. This was an unexpected piece of revenge I hadn’t counted on, but merrily enjoyed it anyway. Brought a purr to my throat.

Since I wasn’t about to eat what had been served to me, I decided to “live off the land” so to speak. It’s amazing what kind of edible stuff you can find around the house.

Today I had:

• 2 erasers off pencils
• a spider
• half of a potted mum (My breath smelt wonderful after that!)
• a button off the remote control
• a condom (Okay, I didn’t actually eat this! It took 20 minutes just to get it out of the wrapper. Then after an hour of chewing, it still wasn’t ready to swallow, so I gave up.)
• a french fry from under the stove
• 3 ants
• a Dorito chip I found in the couch.

Now that’s what I call a Fancy Feast!

Anyway, I still have a bit of time before the Apes get home. I should probably find something to eat before they get here. I’ve been eying up the goldfish, but I have a feeling I’d get busted on that one. We’ll see…

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