Day 1241: Feast or Famine
Since the Apes are out at some social function for the evening, I thought I would take the opportunity to post a follow up on the food situation. (see previous post)
Officially, I’m on a hunger strike. I simply refuse to eat another morsel of that Fancy Feces! Even if the Apes had the foresight to buy a variety pack, that might have made the situation better. But Noooo! Tuna & Liver, Tuna & Liver, Tuna & Liver. Sickening! Hell, I would’ve eaten a can of butt cheeks and toenails, at this point! I simply have to put a stop to this. If I keep eating this crap, the Apes will keep buying it!
At breakfast this morning, I took action! Okay, not so much action, more like inaction. I’m intelligent, not ambitious. Instead of running to the kitchen the moment the food can opened, I pretended to be asleep on the couch. I remained still for the “fork banging on the dish” and the inevitable shrieking of that stupid-ass name the Big Hairless Ape has given me. (We’ll get into that another time)
As hungry as I was, I didn’t go near the food. This got easier as the day went on. Do you have any idea what 7-hour-old Tuna & Liver smells like? The Apes were not happy to come home to a stinky house. This was an unexpected piece of revenge I hadn’t counted on, but merrily enjoyed it anyway. Brought a purr to my throat.
Since I wasn’t about to eat what had been served to me, I decided to “live off the land” so to speak. It’s amazing what kind of edible stuff you can find around the house.
Today I had:
- 2 erasers off pencils
- a spider
- half of a potted mum (My breath smelt wonderful after that!)
- a button off the remote control
- a condom (Okay, I didn’t actually eat this! It took 20 minutes just to get it out of the wrapper. Then after an hour of chewing, it still wasn’t ready to swallow, so I gave up.)
- a french fry from under the stove
- 3 ants
- a Dorito chip I found in the couch.
Now that’s what I call a Fancy Feast!
Anyway, I still have a bit of time before the Apes get home. I should probably find something to eat before they get here. I’ve been eying up the goldfish, but I have a feeling I’d get busted on that one. We’ll see…
I know what you’re thinking. How can a Cat blog? You think just because we don’t have vocal cords or opposable thumbs that we aren’t intelligent? 
Funny stuff. Keep it up, cat. While you can. Us big hairless apes have our ways…you still got “the boys” kitty? muhahhaahaha
You talking to me? Funny? Who’s being funny? Cats are NOT funny!
As far as “having the boys” to take on the Apes… After a trip to the vet on Day 374, I am without “boys” but still have claws.
You Apes have your uses. It’s why we allowed you to evolve.
Not funny? Explain the “LOLcats”, then. Now there’s a topic of conversation, eh?
Granted, _some_ of our species are funny, but we try not to be. Sometimes it just happens.