What a night! There’s nothing quite like freshly picked Catnip! Normally all I usually get is that dried crap from the store. But this time, the Big Hairless Ape came through with the good stuff!

Perhaps too good! All I remember is tasting it, rolling in it, then nothing. I completely blacked out and don’t remember a bloody thing!

I woke up this morning in the closet with the Big Haired Wife’s fur coat. Considering the position I found myself in, I get the feeling I did more than just sleep with it. I’m not sure how, because after day 374 at the v-e-t (I have no idea why this needs to be spelt, it just does!) I no longer have the equipment to do much more. But you never know. Catnip makes me do some wild things, and fornicating with anything with fur is just a normal reaction to the glorious high the Nip delivers.

However, I’m starting to believe I may have a problem with the stuff. The Big Hairless Ape dishes the stuff out like is grows on bushes or something. I should just say, “no!” but simply cannot. I get one whiff of the stuff, and I am off again.

So, after the Apes left the house this morning, I did some searching about addiction on Google. (that’s a funny word!) All I found was something about The 12 Steps which isn’t going to help me at all. I may be intelligent, but my attention span sucks!

{… A fly lands on the computer screen causing Gorgeous to spend the next 5 minutes chasing it around the room …}

See! Case in point! What I need is something much simpler and quicker. I simply need to show the Big Hairless Ape that I am no longer interested in the stuff. Easier said than done!

I came up with a plan. All I needed to do was to get rid of the remaining Catnip and replace it with something else that I would have no interest in. Something similar in looks, but without the Nip smell. With this done, the Big Hairless Ape would no longer be entertained by my antics while high on the stuff.

I found just the substitute too. It was hidden in the bottom of the Big Hairless Ape’s sock drawer in a small baggie. I took a whiff, and nothing. Perfect! Since the Catnip was in a similar baggie, this made the swap fairly easy. I would just have to remember to be out of the house the next time the Big Hairless Ape twisted some of this stuff into a paper to smoke it.

Problem solved. The remaining Catnip will go up in smoke, and I can retain just a little dignity the next time the swapped “Catnip” is presented to me. I will take a whiff, hold my head high, and walk away. No more entertainment value for the Apes.

The Apes are here to entertain me, it simply shouldn’t be the other way around! So there!

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