One thing I love about being a Cat is my superior hearing. I can pick up two gnats doing it from miles away, and I don’t even have to be awake to do it.

Like today for instance, I was having my 12th nap of the day on the bed when I heard something messing with my kibble. I thought this odd as I was the only one in the house.

Fully awake, I ran downstairs to the kitchen and saw the culprit; a mouse happily snacking on MY food! The nerve!

Before I knew it, instinct kicked in and I pounced. Got it in one try! I looked around. Just my luck, nobody was around to see it. Oh well.

This will make a great gift for the Apes, I thought. There is simply no greater gift a Cat can give than a dead rodent or bird. When the Apes get home I’ll be greatly rewarded! Visions of being smothered in treats and affection danced in my head.

Well, it didn’t quite work out that way. Seems I didn’t kill it after all. Only stunned it. I went from "Good Boy" to "Damned Cat" in the space of seconds. I don’t see the problem. A gift is a gift, is it not? The visions of reward disappeared just as quickly.

It was the Big Haired Wife who discovered it was still alive when she picked it up. Startled, she dropped it, then as it ran away she turned to me; screaming for me to catch it. Screw that! I already caught it. It was her who let it go. Besides, I was sure a second attempt would not have gone as well as the first. The element of surprise was no longer on my side.

I just walked away. You want the damned mouse? Catch it yourself. I’m late for my 13th nap!