There! I said it. You Apes may enjoy your weekends, but to me it just means two days where you are around all the bloody time!

It’s not so bad when it’s just the Apes I live with. But No! They invited other Apes to join them for the weekend. Each of those brought their own offspring versions of The Wet One.

It was horrible! I had to constantly outrun eight of these little mucous mutants! There was literally no place to get away from them. Even begging to go outside into the winter fell upon deaf ears. I managed to survive it. My tail, however, has had better days.

At this point, I should remind you that Cats name everything descriptively.

With that said, I present you with the guest list for last evening. I think it pretty much explains how my night went:

• Bigger Hairless Ape (Big Hairless Ape’s father - runs in the family, I guess.)
• Constantly shocked (Big Hairless Ape’s mother - her eyebrows are half way up her forehead and don’t appear to have hair. I found out later that they lick right off!)
• Never Shuts The Hell Up (Big Haired Wife’s mother - OMFG! Someone gag her!)
• Passes Gas Anywhere (Big Haired Wife’s father - and they say animals stink?!)
• Yes Dear (Seems to be all he can say.)
• Wears The Pants (Yes Dear’s wife - spoke for both of them all night. “He likes this, he likes that. Isn’t that right?”…”Yes dear...”)
• Steps On Tail (I named him this after the fourth occurrence. After the tenth, I became suspicious he was doing it on purpose.)
• Pees When She Laughs (Had the couch to myself after that!)
• Fake Food Guy (This guy pissed me right off! I can’t count how many times he called me over just to find out his hand was empty. The food may have been an illusion, but the turd I left in his shoe was very real.)
• Two Drinks And She’s Down (I mean, really. Why go out?)
• and the aforementioned army of offspring (… and they had ME neutered?)

As you can likely guess, I’m tired. I’m way behind on my nap schedule. Besides, it hurts to sit on this chair. My poor tail. Time to heal up.

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