As cool and collected as I appear, sometimes something comes along to get my fur up.

Last night, the Apes went shopping for Christmas junk and returned home with a crap load of bags and parcels. They must have blown a fortune on some of this stuff.

Being the curious Cat I am, I started to investigate some of these bags and parcels to see if they’d picked up anything for me.

Near the end of my investigations, I was shocked to see that they hadn’t gotten me a single thing. Nothing. Nada, Zero, Zilch! How insulting considering the massive amounts of joy I provide them.

There was only one bag left. So without getting my hopes up, I jumped in and found myself curious about the contents: A collar and leash.

Were they going to start taking me on walks? Doubtful. I don’t require tethering.

Were the Apes going to indulge in some kinky bedroom activity? Perhaps.

Then I discovered the chew toy. OMFG! We’re getting a dog! Judging by the size of the collar; a puppy.

This explains the conversations I’ve been overhearing for the last few days. Phrases like, "Great pet" or  "Perfect companion" and "Cute as Hell" were peppered throughout the exchanges. Naturally, I thought they were talking about me.

It was bad enough when The Wet One came along and stole the attention that was due to me. Am I now to be pushed away further while they make a fuss over a dog? Unacceptable!

Then again, on the plus side, puppies are highly trainable. I might be able to work some magic in that regard. I can show it which corner to pee in, which boot to crap in, select which article of expensive clothing to shred, stuff like that. Also, I’ll be able to do things that previously would’ve incriminated me on the spot. Dog = scapegoat!

What type of dog is also in question. If it turns out to be a Rottweiler or Pit Bull, I might as well put my head between my hind legs and kiss my furry ass goodbye. However, considering The Wet One, I suspect something much less vicious.

I have no timeline on the arrival of this little "treasure" but I fear I have little time to prepare. I’ll keep you all posted on the outcome.