Okay! I’m now a complete nervous wreck. Ever since learning about the impending arrival of a new dog to my home, I’ve hardly sleep a wink. I only got 7 naps in yesterday, down from my usual 18. I’m exhausted!

Every time I do manage to drift off, I’m plagued with nightmares.

So far today while sleeping, I have dreamt of:

• DogZilla. A four-storey tall Repti-Mutt which I just couldn’t get away from. (Chased me all over Tokyo.)
• Dog of the Dead. Pictured above, this thing scared the crap out of me. Literally! (When I woke up, I had to turn the couch cushion over to hide that one.)
• Being ravaged by Micro-Mutts. These things were tiny. Not so bad, right? Well, there were thousands of them! They were like fleas. Crawling all over me. (Fell off the television during that one!)
• Engaging in Hand to Hand combat with a Pit Bull. And won! Amazing! Although, it was odd that we both had hands, not paws. (Still puzzling on this.)
• Watching salmon swim upstream. … (What? I always have this dream.)
• The return of DogZilla. Brings Dog of the Dead with him.
• Paris Hilton. (I’m not sure how she fits into all this, but frightening nonetheless!)

That was the last time I slept. I’ve been scared conscious ever since.

Now I find myself in a curious position. I’m curious about this new dog, and it’s killing me! I’m serious. Curiosity is the #1 killer of Cats in North America today! Haven’t you heard?

On the plus side, I’m told there’s a remedy to reverse the effect.