I knew there was something going on this morning after breakfast when I saw the emergence of the carrier cage from the closet. The first time I saw this thing I lost my most precious commodity: my testicles. The Apes use this thing to transport me to the v-e-t. (I still have no idea why this needs to be spelt, it just does!)

The second time I saw the carrier cage I was poked, probed, then stuck with needles. Painful as Hell!

What sinister plan were the Apes working on this time? Did the Big Haired Wife need a new fur coat? Catgut for the guitar? Were they going to de-claw me? Have I been signed up for genetic experimentation I’ve been reading so much about?

I wasn’t about to find out. So I decided to hide before they were ready to grab me. I had the perfect spot too. There was only one thing I didn’t count on. ScapeGoat; the dog who doesn’t know when to shut the Hell up! He ratted me out. Little bastard!

As it turns out, we were both thrown into the carrier and taken to the v-e-t. I’m not sure what happened to ScapeGoat, but I could hear him yelping from the next room.

Me? I got something I wasn’t counting on. The v-e-t shoved an ice cold thermometer up my butt. What’s up with that you sick bastard? It took hours before my ears stood up again; pinned to my head until I was home and comfortable again. I didn’t even notice the shots I got shortly after that little piece of exploration.

You want an accurate temperature reading? How about: Blood-boiling HOT! I’m very pissed about the whole ordeal. I feel so violated!

Then again, it’s the most action I’ve seen since losing my boys. It still doesn’t make it right.