After waking up this morning, I ventured into the kitchen to see what was for breakfast. To my surprise, I found nothing. Even the smell of the Ape’s breakfast was absent.

Very odd. According to my internal clock, my food should’ve been sitting there waiting for me. Quickly, I realized that the Apes had slept in. The Wet One hadn’t even stirred yet.

If it wasn’t for the fact I was starving, this wouldn’t have mattered to me. ScapeGoat The Dog was sniffing at his empty dish also.

Armed with self-motivation, I decided it was high time to rouse the Apes. So, into the bed I crawled.

My first attempt was with the Big Hairless Ape. I started to lick his lips only to be greeted with an, “Oh, baby! You know what I like!” Then he slipped me the tongue. I puked shortly after that! Disgusting!

Next, was the Big Haired Wife. I discarded the Lip Licking idea and went with paw jabbing, only to get a response of: “Lower… Go lower!” What the Hell does that mean?

Clearly, this wasn’t working. Both continued to sleep soundly. I toyed with the idea of smacking The Wet One around, but knew this would have dire consequences. I had to come up with a new plan.

ScapeGoat The Dog was clawing at the door at this point. He needed to relieve himself. With this tid-bit of information, I formulated a plan.

Knowing he’d been well paper-trained, I dragged a page of the evening newspaper into the Ape’s bedroom. It wasn’t long before ScapeGoat The Dog used it; the smell of his morning dump enough to raise the dead.

Between this and playing “Trip the Ape” I got my breakfast. ScapeGoat The Dog got the “bad puppy” treatment.

When there’s a will, there’s a way. Everything worked out just fine.

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