Finally! After what seems like an eternity, I got some quality lap time which was due to me. Ever since ScapeGoat The Dog came into this house, fierce petting has been at a minimum.

You see, the Apes had a fight last night. Seems they’ve given up talking to each other; taking solace in the company of their favourite pet. For the Big Hairless Ape, that means me. For the Big Haired Wife, it means ScapeGoat. The Wet One just slept through it all.

So there I sat all evening. Snuggled deep within Ape arms, trying to purr loud enough so I couldn’t hear the Big Hairless Ape whining about his life. Rants of: “Why did I marry?” and “My life sucks” peppered with “What did I do?” was the basis for the 4 hour conversation he had with me.

But I wasn’t there for the conversation, I stuck around for the A-1 Primo-Quality, Stick Your Butt In The Air, Extreme Petting like I used to get in the old days. (Before wife, kid and dog came into the picture)

So, as a reward I thought I would get the Big Hairless Ape a present for his petting services. Last night as he slept on the couch, I killed a mouse and left it on his pillow in the bedroom. I figured he’d see it when he got up to go to bed. He never went to bed.

The entire house awakened to screams from the Big Haired Wife discovering my gift.

She threw up and I got a “Good Boy” and a back scratch from the Big Hairless Ape. At least he appreciates my efforts!