Just because the dry winter air makes me prone to static is no reason to torment me.

It seems the Big Hairless Ape finds it amusing to rub his feet on the carpet then touch my nose. He’ll call me over with the guise of treats, then ZAP! 

He’s caught me with it over a dozen times now. Even if I talk myself out of the treat itself, it’s the whole mystery of “what is it?” that gets me every time.

And no. Curiosity does not kill cats, but it sure pisses us off at times.

Oh, and just for the record (in case someone asks), I was not in the bathroom tonight. I have no idea how that plugged-in electric razor got thrown in the bath with the Big Hairless Ape.

Shock me, will you? Purrrrr…..

I’ve been watching these promotional programs for the ACME company and find their product line to be very interesting.

You can get everything from giant magnets, to disintegration pistols and dynamite. They appear to be geared toward the non-Ape user as I have seen many demonstrations of use.

Their spokesman, Wile E. Coyote - Genius, shows how you can lay traps and use most of the items available through the ACME company. Although a genius, he’s somewhat clumsy and quite often will get himself slammed into the side of a mountain or blown to bits. (If Cats have 9 lives, coyotes must have hundreds!)

So, I Emailed him:

Dear Wile E.

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed your demonstrations for products available from the ACME company. Although I’ve seen most of your infomercial presentations, I am yet to see an address or Website for this company.

You would think a big company like that would advertise more.

If you could assist me in making contact, it would be appreciated. I am very interested in some of their products.

Thanks in advance,
Gorgeous

PS: I hope you get that road runner soon! That’s gone on for just too long now.

No response! I’m guessing if he doesn’t like rabbits (as I saw in one demo) then he’s likely not too keen on Cats either. 

Oh well. I’ll have to get the parts for my Ape Mind Controller somewhere else. No big deal.

This is your brain…

This is your brain on Catnip…

Any questions?

Even though I lost “My Boys” at the v-e-t on Day 374, I still like to think that I might be desirable to some hot kitty mama out there. After all, I’ve become much more affectionate since that day, or so I’ve been told by the Apes I live with.

Through my endless surfing of the Internet looking for other Cats, I’ve come across Single Kitties Love Café. This is a web site so single Cats like myself might find some lovin’!

Run by Queen Snickers, (pictured above) this site provides profiles of Cats looking for a mate. A great idea whose time has come. I’m sick of disappointing females in heat who are looking for just one thing. I just want something else to bond to besides an Ape. 

The only problem with the site is the fact there are only two females listed. Not nearly enough for me. Don’t get me wrong, two is fine but not enough. As soon as I find the right small group of ladies, six or eight carefully selected females, my wandering days are over!

So, if you’re a female Cat (not an Ape poser! (Because I’ll know! (Really, I will! (Don’t even try to fool me! (Don’t you just hate nested brackets))))), head on over and submit your profile.

Apparently “Operation: Kill The Vacuum” has induced a rather nasty side effect: The purchase of an intelligent vacuum robot named Roomba. 

This thing does not even need any Ape interaction. It sees a mess and cleans it up on its own.

This is all in good, but the damn thing sees Cat hair as a mess, and where is the biggest source of Cat hair in this house? Yup! You guessed it: Me!

This thing has done nothing but follow me around; stalking my every move on the off chance that a hair might fall off my body. Sure, it’s programmed not to hit walls and other obstacles, but apparently Cats are not considered obstacles. I’ve been run over 4 times now. I have several bald spots where it considered “deep cleaning” was required.

In fact, the damned thing is sitting beside the desk chair whining in anticipation as I type this.

{… Gorgeous tests the waters; plucking a hair and dropping it in front of the Roomba. Roomba leaps into action! Spinning and sucking until the hair is gone…then waits for more…}

Fine! Let’s see how it works on a substance with a little more texture…

{… Gorgeous hangs his butt off the side of the chair and drops a large turd in front of Roomba. Roomba, being the good little robot it is, mounts the nugget then spits and spatters to a halt…lights go out…}

I thought so! Wimp!

I’m sure the Apes will clean it out tonight, but in the meantime I finally have a peaceful day ahead of me. If I wasn’t behind on my naps because of this thing, I’d hunt for the remote control for it and have some fun. Maybe tomorrow…