Well, after the theft the other day, the Apes have taken steps to prevent such a thing from occurring again. They have installed a home security system which seems to do nothing but go off at 1am, 3am, and 5am.

All it does is go, “Whoop whoop whoop” when it figures someone is entering illegally.

Where is the moat? The electric fence charged with 2000 volts? The trapdoor above a pool of man-eating sharks? The swinging razor-sharp blade? The flesh-ripping laser? The automated machine guns?

The only thing this thing does is announce to the whole house when I scratch at the window at 1am, 3am, and 5am.

So there I was having my 11th nap of the day when I heard something at the front door. It wasn’t the usual sound of keys in the lock, but rather the sound of splintering wood.

Suddenly the door flung open after a loud crack and two Apes entered. I’d never seen them before so I immediately knew they were intruders.

But what was I worried about? We have a dog right? Wrong. More like a chicken with fur. ScapeGoat The Dog let out a small whimper and hid under the couch. My hero!

I remained still on the couch as the two men looked around. They seemed pleased with the contents of the living room and started to unplug the television and stereo. If I were a dog, which I’m not, I would’ve done something about it. However, I wasn’t about to let this disruption interfere with my nap schedule. Without completing my 11th nap, I’d never get to the 12th. So I laid my head on my paw and tried to close my eyes.

Then I heard something disturbing. “There’s a computer upstairs” one of the Apes said.

What! Oh no they don’t! That computer is my only lifeline to the outside world. Springing into action, I headed to the den. I got there just in time too. They were just about to start unplugging all the wires.

Time to make myself look big. I arched my back and let out a low growl while commanding my fur to stand on end. This made the Apes back away from the machine. I approached them and let out a howl.

They ran from the room and closed the den door behind them. Success! Me much man!

The thieving Apes are still in the house right now as I type this. Sounds like they’re going to get everything else not nailed down.

Looks like I’m stuck here in the den until the Big Hairless Ape comes home. I can’t wait for the praise when he sees I saved the computer.

There had better be a treat the size of Manhattan in store for me!

Last night after waking from my 15th nap, I came to the realization that I had not seen any affection from the Apes in days. This will not do!

Armed with determination, I headed to the living room where the Big Hairless Ape was reading a magazine.

I started off with my usual “rolling around on my back” figuring the cuteness of the action would get his attention. I even let out a couple of pleasure squeals. Nothing. He continued to read his magazine.

So I moved onto phase two. A good round of ankle rubbing did nothing to pull his focus from whatever he was engrossed in reading.

Phase three. Jumping onto his lap usually always works. Not this time. He simply lifted the magazine to allow room for me to lay down on his lap; putting the magazine between me and his face. He didn’t even reach out with his hand to pet me.

Desperate now, I reached out a paw and knocked the magazine from his hand. That got his attention which resulted in a “Do you want some petting?”

To this, I got up and turned away from him. I lifted my tail and jumped from his lap giving him a great view of my posterior cheerio. 

I guess in the end all I wanted was his attention, not his affection.

What if…

• I were to say that Cat’s now have a place to hang out online?
• I were to tell you that this place has existed for a month now?
• I were to say this place is in the form of Forums?
• I were to tell you that this place is located here?
• I were to give the link of http://www.gorgeousonlife.com/forums 
• I were to tell you that it’s such a silly idea that it has taken me about a month to decide to launch it?

When I first launched this blog, I had no idea that there were so many blogging Cats out there. So much for being unique!

But, this is a good thing. So join up and let’s have some fun!

Some silly Ape asks:

• “My husband submitted a question to you a couple days ago. He has not been seen since.
  Would you happen to know of his whereabouts?” 

{… Gorgeous jumps from the desk chair then heads to the main floor of the house, then to the basement.

In the corner by the furnace, a lone cinder block appears against the wall. Gorgeous pushes it aside to reveal a small keypad. Entering a sequence of 68 digits, Gorgeous stands back as a small set of steel elevator doors appear in the wall. The doors open. Gorgeous enters and pushes the unmarked button at the bottom of the panel. The doors close and the elevator starts its descent.

Knowing this trip take a few minutes, Gorgeous passes the time by licking his butt. Just as he’s really starting to get into it, he’s interrupted by a bell which indicates he has arrived at the destination.

The doors open to reveal a rather wide chasm with no apparent way across. Gorgeous slides back the cover to another panel revealing a small light and presses is eye against it. A laser scans his retina and the sound of gears engaging can be heard. A bridge starts to extend and after a minute, the way across the chasm is complete. Gorgeous starts to cross.

Arriving at the other side, a long passageway can be seen and to the right a door clearly marked as “Lounge”. Gorgeous enters, has a bite to eat, uses the litter box, then has a nap. (Hey! This is a long trip!)

Moving on, Gorgeous makes his way down the passage. At the end is a spiral staircase which takes him even deeper into the Earth’s bowels. At the bottom is a door with a small panel containing an outline of a paw on it. Gorgeous places his paw on the indicated marks and the door slides open.

Another passage, then another staircase and an additional elevator ride brings him to a heavy steel door being guarded by two Cats. They nod knowingly to each other. One Cat pushes a button to open the big door. The other Cat joins Gorgeous as they enter.

Once inside, the two Cats each grab a key and head to locks located on separate sides of the room. Counting down in unison, they both turn their keys at the same time. Another door opens to reveal an empty jail cell containing even emptier shackles …}

Damn it! He’s escaped!

The answer to your question is, “No! I do not know where your husband is!”

But do keep in touch! I would be very interested to know if he ever shows up!