It seems that the Apes will stop at nothing to encroach on my space. First there was their offspring, The Wet One. Then ScapeGoat The Dog graces my home. You’d think it would all end there, but no.

Today they come home with a rodent! At first I was all excited that they would bring me such a treat, but I soon found out they intend to keep the damned thing as a pet. Apparently it’s called a Hamster.

HamSter… All I see is the word Ham in there. Ham = Food does it not? 

I don’t get it. The Big Haired Wife has made it perfectly clear that she does not like rodents; delegating the responsibility to me to kill them on sight. Now, I get swatted whenever I approach this thing. I swear, I’m going to need therapy soon!

And to top it all off, they stick it into a plastic ball so it can safely roam the house; teasing me with aroma and movement.

But on the plus side, seems they bought a really cheap cage to keep it in. I should have no problem getting into it.

I feel a midnight snack coming on. Problem is, I’ll get busted for it. I don’t even think ScapeGoat The Dog will be a plausible avenue this time.

If any Cats out there have ideas on how I can get away with this munchie, please leave a comment. My taste buds are in overdrive and I’m not well known for my self-restraint.

So after the Apes went to work today, I get on the computer and I’m faced with the dumbest question ever in my Adsense bar. “Can Your Cat Fetch?”

The real question here is, “Will your Cat fetch?” I for one have never “fetched” anything in my life. If a stupid Ape wants the stick so bad, why did he throw it away in the first place? If he’s that anxious to get it back, he’d better get it himself.

I mean think about it. If you put your garbage to the curb, do you expect the garbage man to bring it back into the house? No! You do not want it. You’ve thrown it away! Only a dog could screw up such a simple concept.

The description of the ad also caught my attention. “Train Your Cat Like a Dog. Fun for You and Kitty”

Is that so? I highly doubt this. Cat’s do not take orders like a dog would. It’s not that we aren’t trainable, we just aren’t interested. Besides, I’ll be damned if I’m going to drag a newspaper or a pair of slippers all over the house just to please an Ape. Does not sound, “Fun for Kitty” at all!

Bottom line: If you want a Dog, get a Dog. Otherwise leave us out of it!