It’s getting to the point where a Cat simply cannot lounge in a tree without a bunch of Apes making a big fuss. Is it a crime for a Cat to be in a tree? It’s certainly looking that way.

Last week I climbed 3 trees. You know, just a place to chill out and maybe munch on a bird or two.

Each time, the same thing happened. Some stupid Ape would come along, notice me, and say, “Look at that poor Kitty stuck in the tree!” This was shortly followed by the arrival of neighbours, police and firemen determined to get me down.

Stuck in the tree, my ass! I climbed it, and I can certainly get down from it! Why can’t they just let me enjoy my day?

The joke was on them each time. I’d wait until ladders were extended, and blankets were deployed for me to jump into. Just as the firemen got close enough to grab me, I’d turn, climb down the tree, then head home with the sounds of “Stupid Cat!” ringing in my ears.

Stupid, huh? I’m not the one who called every rescue unit in the area for nothing!

In light of this, I now only climb trees for sport; just to see how long it takes for the Apes to “rescue me!”

As much as I love tinned Tuna, there is nothing better than fresh fish.

Thanks to the warmer weather, several of the neighbours have setup a buffet which will provide me with Midnight Munchies for the rest of the summer. There’s nothing better than a meal that not only moves, but tries to escape before you eat it!

In light of this, I though I would post a review of some of the best and worst Ponds in the area for snacking.

• The Pond behind the Johnson’s Duplex (5 out of 5)
• A great shallow pond stocked with many varieties of fish including Koi and Goldfish. A quick flip of the paw usually lands you a tasty treat.
• The Pond by the Smith’s Garden (3 out of 5)
• Algae Warning!! This pond has a good variety of small fish. However, because of the blanket of algae growing there, the fish can be tricky to catch. They hide in the depths under the cover of green. Even if you manage to land a fish, it has that offensive seaweed smell.
• The Pond beside the Miller’s House (0 out of 5)
• This pond is guarded by Satan: The 100lb Rottweiler. I spent an entire night trying to outsmart this monster. I succeeded eventually just to find out that there are NO fish in this pond! Apparently it’s a “Water Garden!” What a waste of time and effort!
• The Pond behind the Jones’ House (2 out of 5)
• Plenty of fish, but way too deep. The poor construction around the edge doesn’t provide for good footing. Not only do I hate swimming, but also the 4-6 hours it takes for my fur to dry.
• The Pond in front of the Verdoux House (1 out of 5)
• French Fish! Yuk!!
• The Pond behind the Fish Store (5 out of 5)
• Now this is a prime feasting location! Hundreds of fish of varying sizes. And the best part is, they re-stock regularly. They even have Tadpoles! Nothing like a fish-like critter that slides down your throat like an Oyster.
• The Pond in the Public Park (0 out of 5)
• Take my advice and stay away from any Public Ponds. Not only are the fish seasoned with Ape Urine, you tend to catch more condoms than anything else.

And always, ALWAYS, do your fishing at night under the cover of darkness. Apparently Apes don’t take kindly to us Cats just helping ourselves.

So I ate a $300 Koi. That’s no reason to beat me senseless with a broom!

I’m forever coming across stories of Stupid things that Apes do. I thought I would start a periodical highlighting some of these items.

Today’s story is about a pair of bandits who seem to have a small amount of fashion sense.

Police hunt for robbers wearing thongs as masks

One man wore a green thong and the other wore blue. Each thong barely covered the man’s nose, mouth and chin and left the rest of his face exposed. One also wore a pink backpack in which he stuffed the stolen items.

A few points and questions:

1. Since these thugs are obviously desperate for money, chances are they did not purchase these thongs brand new.
2. Further to the money issue, it’s doubtful these thongs had even been laundered before they pulled this robbery.
3. Are their girlfriends or wives currently wearing masks as underwear?
4. If the thugs have a cold, will they use Panty Shields?
5. How does beard stubble effect delicate materials?
6. Use of thongs in this way would have to be Victoria’s Biggest Secret!

Actually, they may not be so stupid. They’ve seemed to have gotten away with it. Police are still hunting for these guys.

They may want to start their search at some lingerie shops.