Finally! After what seems like an eternity, I got some quality lap time which was due to me. Ever since ScapeGoat The Dog came into this house, fierce petting has been at a minimum.

You see, the Apes had a fight last night. Seems they’ve given up talking to each other; taking solace in the company of their favourite pet. For the Big Hairless Ape, that means me. For the Big Haired Wife, it means ScapeGoat. The Wet One just slept through it all.

So there I sat all evening. Snuggled deep within Ape arms, trying to purr loud enough so I couldn’t hear the Big Hairless Ape whining about his life. Rants of: “Why did I marry?” and “My life sucks” peppered with “What did I do?” was the basis for the 4 hour conversation he had with me.

But I wasn’t there for the conversation, I stuck around for the A-1 Primo-Quality, Stick Your Butt In The Air, Extreme Petting like I used to get in the old days. (Before wife, kid and dog came into the picture)

So, as a reward I thought I would get the Big Hairless Ape a present for his petting services. Last night as he slept on the couch, I killed a mouse and left it on his pillow in the bedroom. I figured he’d see it when he got up to go to bed. He never went to bed.

The entire house awakened to screams from the Big Haired Wife discovering my gift.

She threw up and I got a “Good Boy” and a back scratch from the Big Hairless Ape. At least he appreciates my efforts!

Just because the dry winter air makes me prone to static is no reason to torment me.

It seems the Big Hairless Ape finds it amusing to rub his feet on the carpet then touch my nose. He’ll call me over with the guise of treats, then ZAP! 

He’s caught me with it over a dozen times now. Even if I talk myself out of the treat itself, it’s the whole mystery of “what is it?” that gets me every time.

And no. Curiosity does not kill cats, but it sure pisses us off at times.

Oh, and just for the record (in case someone asks), I was not in the bathroom tonight. I have no idea how that plugged-in electric razor got thrown in the bath with the Big Hairless Ape.

Shock me, will you? Purrrrr…..

I’ve been watching these promotional programs for the ACME company and find their product line to be very interesting.

You can get everything from giant magnets, to disintegration pistols and dynamite. They appear to be geared toward the non-Ape user as I have seen many demonstrations of use.

Their spokesman, Wile E. Coyote – Genius, shows how you can lay traps and use most of the items available through the ACME company. Although a genius, he’s somewhat clumsy and quite often will get himself slammed into the side of a mountain or blown to bits. (If Cats have 9 lives, coyotes must have hundreds!)

So, I Emailed him:

Dear Wile E.

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed your demonstrations for products available from the ACME company. Although I’ve seen most of your infomercial presentations, I am yet to see an address or Website for this company.

You would think a big company like that would advertise more.

If you could assist me in making contact, it would be appreciated. I am very interested in some of their products.

Thanks in advance,
Gorgeous

PS: I hope you get that road runner soon! That’s gone on for just too long now.

No response! I’m guessing if he doesn’t like rabbits (as I saw in one demo) then he’s likely not too keen on Cats either. 

Oh well. I’ll have to get the parts for my Ape Mind Controller somewhere else. No big deal.

This is your brain…

This is your brain on Catnip…

Any questions?

Even though I lost “My Boys” at the v-e-t on Day 374, I still like to think that I might be desirable to some hot kitty mama out there. After all, I’ve become much more affectionate since that day, or so I’ve been told by the Apes I live with.

Through my endless surfing of the Internet looking for other Cats, I’ve come across Single Kitties Love Café. This is a web site so single Cats like myself might find some lovin’!

Run by Queen Snickers, (pictured above) this site provides profiles of Cats looking for a mate. A great idea whose time has come. I’m sick of disappointing females in heat who are looking for just one thing. I just want something else to bond to besides an Ape. 

The only problem with the site is the fact there are only two females listed. Not nearly enough for me. Don’t get me wrong, two is fine but not enough. As soon as I find the right small group of ladies, six or eight carefully selected females, my wandering days are over!

So, if you’re a female Cat (not an Ape poser! (Because I’ll know! (Really, I will! (Don’t even try to fool me! (Don’t you just hate nested brackets))))), head on over and submit your profile.