Sorry about the lack of posting lately, but I took my New CD on tour! We collected much more footwear, and a few other rather heavy items from bedroom windows. Thanks Again!

However, being out in the fresh Spring air reminded me to inform the Apes that Winter is over.

Yup! Shed-Fest 2008 is upon us! Millions of hairs are in the process of leaving my body in preparation for warmer times ahead.

This is my favourite time of year! Time to coat every surface in the house with Essence Ou Gorgeous! Yup! Hair (and hair balls!) everywhere! I love it!

However, this year turned out slightly different than I expected. The Demon Vacuum From Hell is back. Repaired, upgraded, and more intelligent this time around. It seems to avoid any crippling items I toss at it; leaving them for the Apes to clean up.

Because of my shedding fur, it’s done nothing but follow me around for the last 2 days. It was driving me crazy, but as usual I came up with a plan. Since this thing was so obsessed with my fur then I would just have to make sure it found another source.

ScapeGoat The Dog to the rescue! (Please note I am not proud of this!) I continually rubbed myself up against ScapeGoat, leaving mounds of hair stuck to him. (Pugs actually make a pretty good fur brush!)

It worked with only one draw back. It takes ScapeGoat about an hour to lick himself clean of my hair. At this point, Roomba starts stalking me again.

So my choices at this point are to be Stalked by Roomba or take the risk that ScapeGoat thinks I actually like him because I keep rubbing against him.

Tough call!

Tracks:

1. Prologue (M-E-O-W Part I)…………………2:24
2. Trippin’ The Ape………………………………3:29
3. The V-E-T Took The Best Part Of Me……5:23
4. CatNip Hangover (I Feel Like A Dog)……..1:54
5. Feed Me! (M-E-O-W Part II)……………2:34:07
6. I Purr, Therefor I Am…………………………8:32
7. Furball In The Hallway……………………….3:45
8. Scoop My Litter! (Or Else! Part I)…………11:56
9. P-U-R-R………………………………………56:43
10. Pet Me! (M-E-O-W Part III)……………..7:23:54
11. Let Me Outside (Or Else! Part II)……………4:12
12. Sorry Darlin’ I’m Neutered…………………..0:03
13. Go Away! I’m Napping (Finale)……………..2:41

Bonus Track:

• M-E-O-W / P-U-R-R (Medley)

** This CD was produced and recorded on the Fence Post behind the Johnson’s Duplex at the “2 Till 6 AM Studios”

** Thanks to those who donated all the footwear from the bedroom windows in the neighbourhood during these sessions. It’s nice to know I was heard!

In my pursuit of something good to read, I came across one of The Wet One’s children’s book called, “The Three Little Pigs” A terrifying read of a Wolf who’s stalking three little piglets.

I fell asleep just before getting to the end which inspired a dream…

{… Knowing the Big Bad Wolf was close, Gorgeous puts the finishing touches on his Straw House. “That should keep him out” thinks Gorgeous.

Suddenly out of the trees, the Wolf approaches. “Little kit, little kit, let me in!”

“Not by the fur on my chinny chin chin!” Gorgeous replies.

“I’m gonna huff and puff and blooow your house down!” (What a hot head!)

“Now that’s just ridiculous! How can a Wolf blow a… err… that is…” Gorgeous is suddenly very aware that he’s now standing in the middle of what seems like a hurricane; walls and ceiling crashing down around him.

Later, Gorgeous finishes driving the last nail into his Wooden House. “Let’s see that big ball of wind blow this one down!”

Long story short, the Wooden House suffers the same fate as the Straw House. This Wolf should get a job inflating Zeppelins!

Later again, Gorgeous puts the finishing touches on his Brick House. Satisfied, he decides to catch a quick nap before the Windy Wolf appears again. He’s just about to jump into the bed when he notices it’s occupied… by a Wolf dressed in granny bed cloths.

“Hey! You’re not Little Red Riding Hood!” exclaims the wolf.

“You moron!” Gorgeous retorts. “You’re in the wrong story! You’re supposed to be outside trying to blow this house down!”

“I retired from that story. Why would I blow down a brick house when the back door was wide open? Besides, I thought it would be more fun to dress in Granny Drag and scare children.” the Wolf explains.

Gorgeous smiles uneasily then tosses the house keys to the Wolf. “Knock yourself out then, you fanged freak!” says Gorgeous while slowly backing out of the house…}

Remind me in the future to never read “Pet Cemetery” before bed…

I haven’t been able to get too much computer time, so I took to reading a few books.

I must say that you Apes certainly have a weird sense of literature.

1. The first book I tried reading was a very large volume. After several hundred pages I finally gave up. There were just way too many characters and places to keep track of.
2. The second book I tried was a little better. A very wordy book where the author had a strange obsession of explaining every little word he used. Although very well written, it was quite hard to follow.
3. The third book was just confusing and peppered with alternative wording. The author had major problems getting to the point!

So, if your looking for something good to read, avoid The Phone Book, The Dictionary, and The Thesaurus.

I think I’ll just stick to shredding magazines…

I really miss the good old days when it was just me and the Big Hairless Ape. The endless petting, the quiet evenings on his lap, and the treats flowing like water.

There is very little of anything like that going on these days. I’ve become more independent as the house fills up.

So, let’s recap our household population:

• Me – Cute as Hell and irresistible to petting.
• The Big Hairless Ape – The sole provider of all my affection and bread tuna winner.
• The Big Haired Wife – Provides me with an endless supply of shoes to crap in.
• The Wet One – The Ape’s offspring. Thanks to this monster, my tail is three inches longer.
• ScapeGoat The Dog – An ugly Pug and the Big Haired Wife’s favourite pet. Thanks to that fact, I never have to snuggle with her. The last time I did that it took a week to get the smell of Chanel No. 5 out of my fur.
• QuickSnack The Hamster – The Wet One’s newest pet. I’m still trying to formulate a plan so I may eat this thing and not get the blame. ScapeGoat The Dog has been very little help in this matter.
• FreakShow The Sister – The Big Hairless Ape’s sister. Arrived yesterday.

Let’s talk about that last one for a minute, shall we. You should see this “thing!” There is so much metal in her face that she can’t approach a clock without making it run backwards. She seems to have magnetic poles which only allow her to sleep in a north-south position. If she tries to sleep east-west, she snaps back to a north-south polarity.

Apparently she just finished travelling the world. How the Hell does someone like that get through the metal detectors at airport security? It must hold up the line for hours.

And don’t even get me started on the demonic tattoos all over her body. I fear I only have until the Moon is full before she needs to make another sacrifice.

Time to learn to sleep with one eye open…