So after the Apes went to work today, I get on the computer and I’m faced with the dumbest question ever in my Adsense bar. “Can Your Cat Fetch?”

The real question here is, “Will your Cat fetch?” I for one have never “fetched” anything in my life. If a stupid Ape wants the stick so bad, why did he throw it away in the first place? If he’s that anxious to get it back, he’d better get it himself.

I mean think about it. If you put your garbage to the curb, do you expect the garbage man to bring it back into the house? No! You do not want it. You’ve thrown it away! Only a dog could screw up such a simple concept.

The description of the ad also caught my attention. “Train Your Cat Like a Dog. Fun for You and Kitty”

Is that so? I highly doubt this. Cat’s do not take orders like a dog would. It’s not that we aren’t trainable, we just aren’t interested. Besides, I’ll be damned if I’m going to drag a newspaper or a pair of slippers all over the house just to please an Ape. Does not sound, “Fun for Kitty” at all!

Bottom line: If you want a Dog, get a Dog. Otherwise leave us out of it!

Well, after the theft the other day, the Apes have taken steps to prevent such a thing from occurring again. They have installed a home security system which seems to do nothing but go off at 1am, 3am, and 5am.

All it does is go, “Whoop whoop whoop” when it figures someone is entering illegally.

Where is the moat? The electric fence charged with 2000 volts? The trapdoor above a pool of man-eating sharks? The swinging razor-sharp blade? The flesh-ripping laser? The automated machine guns?

The only thing this thing does is announce to the whole house when I scratch at the window at 1am, 3am, and 5am.

So there I was having my 11th nap of the day when I heard something at the front door. It wasn’t the usual sound of keys in the lock, but rather the sound of splintering wood.

Suddenly the door flung open after a loud crack and two Apes entered. I’d never seen them before so I immediately knew they were intruders.

But what was I worried about? We have a dog right? Wrong. More like a chicken with fur. ScapeGoat The Dog let out a small whimper and hid under the couch. My hero!

I remained still on the couch as the two men looked around. They seemed pleased with the contents of the living room and started to unplug the television and stereo. If I were a dog, which I’m not, I would’ve done something about it. However, I wasn’t about to let this disruption interfere with my nap schedule. Without completing my 11th nap, I’d never get to the 12th. So I laid my head on my paw and tried to close my eyes.

Then I heard something disturbing. “There’s a computer upstairs” one of the Apes said.

What! Oh no they don’t! That computer is my only lifeline to the outside world. Springing into action, I headed to the den. I got there just in time too. They were just about to start unplugging all the wires.

Time to make myself look big. I arched my back and let out a low growl while commanding my fur to stand on end. This made the Apes back away from the machine. I approached them and let out a howl.

They ran from the room and closed the den door behind them. Success! Me much man!

The thieving Apes are still in the house right now as I type this. Sounds like they’re going to get everything else not nailed down.

Looks like I’m stuck here in the den until the Big Hairless Ape comes home. I can’t wait for the praise when he sees I saved the computer.

There had better be a treat the size of Manhattan in store for me!

Last night after waking from my 15th nap, I came to the realization that I had not seen any affection from the Apes in days. This will not do!

Armed with determination, I headed to the living room where the Big Hairless Ape was reading a magazine.

I started off with my usual “rolling around on my back” figuring the cuteness of the action would get his attention. I even let out a couple of pleasure squeals. Nothing. He continued to read his magazine.

So I moved onto phase two. A good round of ankle rubbing did nothing to pull his focus from whatever he was engrossed in reading.

Phase three. Jumping onto his lap usually always works. Not this time. He simply lifted the magazine to allow room for me to lay down on his lap; putting the magazine between me and his face. He didn’t even reach out with his hand to pet me.

Desperate now, I reached out a paw and knocked the magazine from his hand. That got his attention which resulted in a “Do you want some petting?”

To this, I got up and turned away from him. I lifted my tail and jumped from his lap giving him a great view of my posterior cheerio. 

I guess in the end all I wanted was his attention, not his affection.

What if…

• I were to say that Cat’s now have a place to hang out online?
• I were to tell you that this place has existed for a month now?
• I were to say this place is in the form of Forums?
• I were to tell you that this place is located here?
• I were to give the link of http://www.gorgeousonlife.com/forums 
• I were to tell you that it’s such a silly idea that it has taken me about a month to decide to launch it?

When I first launched this blog, I had no idea that there were so many blogging Cats out there. So much for being unique!

But, this is a good thing. So join up and let’s have some fun!