Some silly Ape asks:

• “My husband submitted a question to you a couple days ago. He has not been seen since.
  Would you happen to know of his whereabouts?” 

{… Gorgeous jumps from the desk chair then heads to the main floor of the house, then to the basement.

In the corner by the furnace, a lone cinder block appears against the wall. Gorgeous pushes it aside to reveal a small keypad. Entering a sequence of 68 digits, Gorgeous stands back as a small set of steel elevator doors appear in the wall. The doors open. Gorgeous enters and pushes the unmarked button at the bottom of the panel. The doors close and the elevator starts its descent.

Knowing this trip take a few minutes, Gorgeous passes the time by licking his butt. Just as he’s really starting to get into it, he’s interrupted by a bell which indicates he has arrived at the destination.

The doors open to reveal a rather wide chasm with no apparent way across. Gorgeous slides back the cover to another panel revealing a small light and presses is eye against it. A laser scans his retina and the sound of gears engaging can be heard. A bridge starts to extend and after a minute, the way across the chasm is complete. Gorgeous starts to cross.

Arriving at the other side, a long passageway can be seen and to the right a door clearly marked as “Lounge”. Gorgeous enters, has a bite to eat, uses the litter box, then has a nap. (Hey! This is a long trip!)

Moving on, Gorgeous makes his way down the passage. At the end is a spiral staircase which takes him even deeper into the Earth’s bowels. At the bottom is a door with a small panel containing an outline of a paw on it. Gorgeous places his paw on the indicated marks and the door slides open.

Another passage, then another staircase and an additional elevator ride brings him to a heavy steel door being guarded by two Cats. They nod knowingly to each other. One Cat pushes a button to open the big door. The other Cat joins Gorgeous as they enter.

Once inside, the two Cats each grab a key and head to locks located on separate sides of the room. Counting down in unison, they both turn their keys at the same time. Another door opens to reveal an empty jail cell containing even emptier shackles …}

Damn it! He’s escaped!

The answer to your question is, “No! I do not know where your husband is!”

But do keep in touch! I would be very interested to know if he ever shows up!

Some silly Ape asks:

• “I noticed in a couple of your posts, you refer to some kind of ‘cat revolution’ which is about to take place.
  Can you give me more information on this please? It’s important!“

{… The author of the question arrives home and exits his car. Suddenly, a black SUV speeds up then squeals to a stop within inches of hitting him.

50 Cats wearing dark glasses jump out and force the Ape into the back of the vehicle, which then speeds off…}

‘Nuff said…

As you may (or may not) have noticed, it’s been a few days since I’ve had a chance to do any updates here.

The Ape family all came down with the flu and it has been impossible to get any computer time. For the last several days they’ve been puking regularly which made it really difficult for me to get anything done.

But that was only part of the problem…

You see, there’s something about a feverish Ape which draws me to them like a magnet. I simply couldn’t get enough of their elevated body heat. The Apes think I was just being comforting, but truth be told, their 102 temperature matches my body heat exactly. This makes for optimal snuggling.

A little tip for all you Cats out there: Never try to play “trip the Ape” when they are running to the bathroom during illness. Seems they just kick you out of the way in a frenzy to make it to the toilet on time. (Which they failed to do on a couple of occasions!)

Anyway, even though they are still not feeling well, they have gone to work today. Things should be getting back to normal around here.

And to think they got me my shots and neglected to get themselves one. Serves them right!

Simply tattoo it to an Ape Beer Belly…

Since 2 people sent this to me by email, I thought I would post it.

Credit is shown across the belt line. (Can’t quite make it out)

What can I say? I passed a mirror the other day and took a look at myself. I was mesmerized for days. I am so Gorgeous! (Hence the name!)

If there is one thing a Cat appreciates, it’s his or her own beauty.

From the handsomely pointed ears to the flowing soft fur which covers our bodies, you simply cannot deny the fact that we are the most beautiful creatures on the planet.

The longer I looked, the more beautiful I became.

And the Apes think we are confused; believing there is another Cat in the mirror. No, we are just admiring ourselves. Simple as that.

I can’t think of a better way to spend a couple days!